Parenting Month 66: Compare and contrast

Walking together on a trail

The little one is about to turn two. While children, much like runners, are experiments of one, it is somewhat inevitable to compare two children. In the discussion of nature vs. nurture, it is tempting to wonder what the differences are due to nature, under the assumption that since the parents are the same, the nurture part of the equation should be the same. 

This is in some ways a very unfair comparison. The older one was a nearly ideal (to parents) toddler. We joked that he was practically an advertisement for having kids (as two people who were not given to sentimentality about children). And frankly, when we take the two kids out in public, they still give the appearance of being ideal children (being alert and engaged in the public, but under control and well mannered. Following the middle path avoiding both being stone faced zombies and out of control monsters.) 

Some notes and obvious comparisons as the youngest finishes her second year of life:

1.  She is very verbal.  At this point, T was not talking much, and certainly not too strangers.  A also is reserved in her attention, but is otherwise well engaged in the world in the presence of others. She is certainly braver; curiosity leads her to exploring her world, touching things, petting dogs.  And she is much more expressive. The expressiveness has a cost to the caregivers.  She can express her will and desires and be defiant in english and chinese.  She has also shown signs of understanding both english and chinese grammar (she can construct grammatically and contextually correct sentences in combinations that are new to her.)
2. Songs. The knows quite a number of songs, both english and chinese.  Similarly to many toddlers, most of these songs she learned off of YouTube and such (nursery rhymes, Sesame Street). Also conventionally, she knows the ends of words and phrases before she learns the beginnings (because of rhyming).
3. Reading.  She knows her letters and numbers. But, unlike T, she has not gotten to the point where she can recite entire books. She can point to and identify things within the book. But does not have the same desire that T did (at this point, T had several board books memorized and could improvise following the pattern of a few of them)
4. Expressive.  Like other toddlers, she dances, expresses happiness, and unhappiness. She can also engage in toddler speak for extended periods of time. This follows naturally from the period where she was babbling for extended periods of time. To her it is probably the same, but to us, we can understand what it is she is saying. She also gets the language correct. (Chinese exclusively for grandparents, mostly english for daddy, switches back and forth for mommy and gege.)
5. Focus. Well, A has a typical toddler focus, meaning her current mood lasts about 15 minutes. This shows in many places. The more conventional view towards books (she does not mind being read to, but does not enjoy nearly to the same extent T did), nothing keeps her attention for very long, 
6. Daring.  A is more confident in doing pretty much anything. So she does the standard toddler activities such as scribbling (which is a precursor to drawing), climbing and jumping off of any surface she can access, playing with toys and blocks (much faster than T was). She is also more willing to work her will in crowds, claiming and defending her space in play areas, not afraid to be part of the rough and tumble of toddler play.

A is a different child than what T was. And our parenting is different. The most obvious differences day to day are focus (T) vs will (A).   One thing different that was not as intentional was weekly outings. By this point, daddy was regularly taking T out to museums, parks, etc. on Saturday mornings. While A sometimes joins in, even now, it is mostly only two of us. While T appreciated it more at this age (because he could focus on one thing at a time), when A does come, she enjoys it (although more of generally being out of the house than anything else)

Some notes on T this month.

1. He gets many complements on being well mannered. Both when we are out and about (e.g. restaurants and museums) and in more standard settings. (his teacher commented about how he said thank you for helping him clean when he spilled his lunch tray on the floor, instead of taking it for granted. He also says please and thank you to waitresses, opens and holds doors for others (this is very cute, because he barely has the mass to be able to do this)
2. He is continuing to make shy kids comfortable. We have gotten reports from other kids parents at taekwondo, saying their shy kids like being paired up with T. 
3. An extension of 2, this month T started getting notes from a girl in his class, who is one of the quiet ones. 
4. Still working on freezing in public. We have had occurrences of freezing when it is time to play piano in a group. On the other hand, he participated in a taekwondo tournament with no problem.  This is still a work in progress.
5. T is getting more rebellious, but at this point a big part of it is trying on roles.  He copies his little sister (ironic) in being defiant (trying to get attention?). He also picks up on things at school, videos, we also caught him trying out lines that originated from the school play.