Saturday, September 28, 2019

Parenting Month 103: Competition

We have been of the opinion that competition is good for the kids.  They are placed in a safe environment where they are under stress, but only after preparation.  We also believe that the benefit of the competition is not the end placement, but the preparation for the competition and the act of competing.


Mentally rehearsing his forms
Visualization prior to competition
DS8 is exposed to competition in a few forms.  The most obvious are Taekwondo and piano.  And the pattern are the same:  maintaining focus through the performance, attention to multiple details during practice, a transition from individual skills practice to sequences, an intensive ramp up to the actual competition focus on ever tinier points of performance, which closes with a focus on principles, calming techniques at the beginning of a performance.


Saang jae baang form in competition
Saang jae baang at Kaminski's ATA Steel City Songham Classic
And so far, he has done well.  In TKD DS8 competes in the competitive division, and regularly goes up against kids who sport state and district champion badges (earned through a competitive points system across tournaments over a year).  And he is competitive in forms (non-contact sequences of moves that are designed to imitate facing two opponents).  But not in sparring (he does not have the aggressiveness needed to be good at sparring).


Shim jun in Tournament competition
Shim jun at Kaminski's ATA Steel City Songham Classic
But we notice the other kids and adults.  While the ATA is pretty good about reigning in the worst of the in the moment actions of sport parents that are sometimes noticed in American culture, you still see some of the signs.  Parents keeping detailed notes on scoring and other competitors.  Kids who clearly are not used to not winning.  Kids who have clearly traveled for the purpose of tournament competition.  The types of conversations that go on the sidelines and the kids reactions.

But here in suburban America, competition exists in other venues even without tournament dates.  My son has gone through several rounds of selection within the school system. And while the intent of the selection is a good one, identifying students who can move ahead of the main group and give them the opportunity to grow a year with every year, the attitude taken by the students and families may not be so healthy.  One selection that my son went through is fairly rare, but well known among ambitious families, is placed as a goal for kids to aspire to, years before the time comes for selection.
And the kids know the stakes and what it means to be one of those selected. So much that it becomes more than just parents pride in being selected, but there is a danger of elitism among the kids, and a letdown when they are not among the selected.

9-10 yr old boys receiving their pre-competition instructions
Pre-competition pep talk

What makes competition good is that it is always good to be in the company of those who are good. There is a saying in many domains of expertise, if you are the best in the room, you are in the wrong room.  So, for those who are who are in the ballpark, this is an opportunity to see what good really looks like and it provides something to aspire too, or to recognize there are others just as good and you can spur each other on to be better.

But, when the goal of competition is the winning, eventually, one will reach the point where the competition is better than you.  And you will no longer win. Sometimes it is because you were never exposed to that level of competition before (something we see alot of in university freshmen). Sometimes it is because you have a view of your capabilities that is not based on a sober assessment.  So a culture or attitude that you will always win runs into the hard reality provided by the outside world.


Post competition bowing out
Post-competition bowing out

Our goals in competing are to provide the experience in preparing for something hard where details matter, learning how to deal with pressure in the moment and being able to perform with no opportunity for correction, being exposed to quality competition, and knowing you have done your best and are continually getting better.  Whether that is taekwondo, piano, math, or any other aspect of life.  And experience the joy in being capable and competent.

Showing off his medals
Two third place medals

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