Parenting Month 103: Competition

We have been of the opinion that competition is good for the kids.  They are placed in a safe environment where they are under stress, but only after preparation.  We also believe that the benefit of the competition is not the end placement, but the preparation for the competition and the act of competing.

Visualization prior to competition

DS8 is exposed to competition in a few forms.  The most obvious are Taekwondo and piano.  And the pattern are the same:  maintaining focus through the performance, attention to multiple details during practice, a transition from individual skills practice to sequences, an intensive ramp up to the actual competition focus on ever tinier points of performance, which closes with a focus on principles, calming techniques at the beginning of a performance.

Saang jae baang at Kaminski's ATA Steel City Songham Classic

And so far, he has done well.  In TKD DS8 competes in the competitive division, and regularly goes up against kids who sport state and district champion badges (earned through a competitive points system across tournaments over a year).  And he is competitive in forms (non-contact sequences of moves that are designed to imitate facing two opponents).  But not in sparring (he does not have the aggressiveness needed to be good at sparring).

Shim jun at Kaminski's ATA Steel City Songham Classic

But we notice the other kids and adults.  While the ATA is pretty good about reigning in the worst of the in the moment actions of sport parents that are sometimes noticed in American culture, you still see some of the signs.  Parents keeping detailed notes on scoring and other competitors.  Kids who clearly are not used to not winning.  Kids who have clearly traveled for the purpose of tournament competition.  The types of conversations that go on the sidelines and the kids reactions.

But here in suburban America, competition exists in other venues even without tournament dates.  My son has gone through several rounds of selection within the school system. And while the intent of the selection is a good one, identifying students who can move ahead of the main group and give them the opportunity to grow a year with every year, the attitude taken by the students and families may not be so healthy.  One selection that my son went through is fairly rare, but well known among ambitious families, is placed as a goal for kids to aspire to, years before the time comes for selection.
And the kids know the stakes and what it means to be one of those selected. So much that it becomes more than just parents pride in being selected, but there is a danger of elitism among the kids, and a letdown when they are not among the selected.

Pre-competition pep talk

What makes competition good is that it is always good to be in the company of those who are good. There is a saying in many domains of expertise, if you are the best in the room, you are in the wrong room.  So, for those who are who are in the ballpark, this is an opportunity to see what good really looks like and it provides something to aspire too, or to recognize there are others just as good and you can spur each other on to be better.

But, when the goal of competition is the winning, eventually, one will reach the point where the competition is better than you.  And you will no longer win. Sometimes it is because you were never exposed to that level of competition before (something we see alot of in university freshmen). Sometimes it is because you have a view of your capabilities that is not based on a sober assessment.  So a culture or attitude that you will always win runs into the hard reality provided by the outside world.

Post-competition bowing out

Our goals in competing are to provide the experience in preparing for something hard where details matter, learning how to deal with pressure in the moment and being able to perform with no opportunity for correction, being exposed to quality competition, and knowing you have done your best and are continually getting better.  Whether that is taekwondo, piano, math, or any other aspect of life.  And experience the joy in being capable and competent.

Two third place medals

Film review: Meru (2015)

Jimmy Chin leading on an ice path on the 2008 Meru attempt

Meru is a documentary about three elite climbers; Conrad Anker, Jimmy Chin, and Renan Ozturk; and their two attempts to take the "Shark's Fin" route on Meru, a 4,000 near vertical wall of rock that is the last part of a 21,000 climb up rock and ice. It is styled as more technically challenging than Everest, because it combines a difficult ice climb and a difficult rock climb.  Anker and Chin are represented as climbers who have been on many expeditions before, Ozturk, while an elite climber, was the new person on the team.

The movie's focus is on the two attempts at this route, one that has never been completed before. And in between there is much discussion of risk.  The movie interviews the climbers, other elite climbers, and family members and they discuss a lot about risk. Family members talked about thinking of a sibling or spouse who could very well die on a mountain.  The climbers spoke about other elite climbers they knew who had died on climbs, and some of those climbs were relatively normal.

There was a period of my life where I was regularly doing some activities that were inherently dangerous. And the possibility of dying was not something I cared about. I think at the time my view was that I was in the moment, and when life ended, it ended.  I like a line from Conrad Anker, these activities are dangerous, but we approach them with skill and knowledge, and when we take risks, with do so knowingly and deliberately. And if we should have an accident, our thought is one of profound embarrassment, because it meant that we did not know that we had crossed the line of too much risk.  Jimmy Chin had a line about the excitement of it all, the rush comes because we are doing something that is in fact dangerous.  So it is different than say an amusement park, which has speed but is under control.The thrill comes from mastery, that danger is faced, examined, and confronted, and overcome, while always under control.  And the glory (to the extent there is any) is from knowing that you could go up to that line, but always recognize it and back away before crossing.

The documentary is about two attempts 2008, and 2011.  The first attempt failed after they lost three days in a snowstorm, and their limited amounts of food led them to turn back a mere 150 m from the summit.  And this is almost an example of their skill, to have the judgment to turn back even when they were so close.

The film then talks about risk in another way.  Chin and Ozturk suffered a pair of accidents while on a commercial shoot on a ski slope. Ozturk was severely injured, Chin was caught in an avalanche. So the lead into the 2011 climb was both of them recovering from this, both physically (Ozturk was nearly paralyzed in several different ways) and mentally.

What sold this was the discussion about risk. Climbers and other sports are often viewed as crazy daredevils looking for thrills. There is a thrill, but it is not from the excitement. The thrill comes from bring to bear knowledge, skill, and judgment in an environment were all three are needed, and surviving in the face of real danger.

Conrad Anker on the "House of Cards" pitch

Parenting month 102: 5 year olds know everything

As we start the new school year, we have a new milestone.  DD5 is starting Kindergarten!  Our school district does only half day so just like big brother she is going to a nearby catholic school, which has full day kindergarten and two working parents can figure out how to make schedules work.

So, at this point, DD5:

• Taekwondo:  following daddy and big brother, she does TKD.  And she now goes into testing with a go-to show-off move, (something she can do that the other tigers (age 4-6) do not). Last time it was repeated round kicks.  This time they are kicks that are as high as her head.  The other thing of note is that some of the teachers figured out that she can actually learn the forms (standard for 4-6 yr olds is that they follow the teachers in forms)  Of course, that means that they make her do this in class.  In one sense, special attention is a good thing. But DD5 has figured out that means they are extra demanding.
• Ballet:  At this point, she just does her own thing.  Thing is, she actually does know the standard positions, and she could do these dance if she wanted to.

So, at this point, she has figured out many ways of earning praise, and there is certainly a show off element here, as well as showing the adults in the room she is a good girl when big brother (or someone else) is being bad.

For kindergarten she

• Figured out  that having another chinese girl in the school means that they have a secret language (chinese) they can use.
• Tells the reading teachers that the books they are finding for her are not at her level.
• Is pretty sure she knows everything.

So, DD5 is very entertaining (always has many things to say), but is potentially trouble (in a good way for a 5 year old)

View this post on Instagram

TKD testing at @wexford_ata

A post shared by Louis L 🔑 (@lluang70) on Aug 31, 2019 at 11:38am PDT