Parenting Month 106: A rounded life

In one weekend in December, DS9 had the following:

• Taekwondo mid-term testing as a 2nd degree black belt
• Chinese final exam
• University music prep department piano recital
• Elementary school choral concert (Small Ensemble)

This covers sports, language, and a double dose of arts. The only thing he was missing was something in math and sciences (next year, if he continues robotics with First LEGO League, there will be something around this time of year).

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DS9 TKD black belt midterm testing. In case anyone is wondering, I outrank him by one day :-). #tkdfamily @wexford_ata @jack_1329_

A post shared by Louis L 🔑 (@lluang70) on Dec 13, 2019 at 8:02pm PST

One of the hazards of parenting in upper middle class suburban America is the parenting arms race, which is magnified among asians.  All of the children we are in contact with are actively participating in a range of enrichment activities, many with a goal of an admissions package to get into a college of the parent's dreams (we do not always know the children well enough to know about their dreams).  And looking down the road, from the complaints of parents whose children do not get into the desired schools despite these efforts, it does not seem to be consistently successful.


When we talk to other parents, we are dizzy trying to keep track of everything they do.  Even DS9 feels busy to us, but then there are kids who can double up on every dimension (DS9 activities are roughly orthogonal to each other)

Even though DS9 did not cover many of the standard enrichment activities that are meant to lead to a selection, DS9 has been passing most selection stages he encounters (accelerated math, advanced programs, teams, music auditions). Fortunately, he does not have an appreciation for what this means, so he has not been participating in the posturing that is already observable in his peer group.

DS9 is in lower right

At this point,  DS9 is happy with the activities he is in. He enjoys the competence. He enjoys the experience (most of the time) and he alternates between enjoying and despising the activities that lead to that competence (like most adults).  And at this age, there is too much between now and college admission time to know what path the kids will take as they mature and develop other interests, and there are too many kids at his level to know if his trajectory will continue.

For her part, DD5 is in the early stages of the same. She does drawing (with a chinese teacher), piano, and taekwondo, enjoys all three pretty much all of the time. And is noticeably happy, almost all of the time. Almost the ideal of what you want out of a 5 year old.

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DD5 turn for belt testing at @wexford_ata. She told everyone that she is looking forward to contact sparring and she is going to practice on big brother and daddy. #tkdfamily

A post shared by Louis L 🔑 (@lluang70) on Dec 14, 2019 at 8:31am PST

Just as with DS9 at this age, the kids in her peer group are all more heavily involved in activities than she is.  And just like him, we will see how this turns out.

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#streetparking workout. Row/bike/taps, bent over rows and push presses. We had a long discussion on options for each segment. @streetparkingmembers @scoreitband #homegym #garagegym #fitfamily @garagesqwod

A post shared by Louis L 🔑 (@lluang70) on Dec 17, 2019 at 3:44pm PST

Parenting Month 103: Competition

We have been of the opinion that competition is good for the kids.  They are placed in a safe environment where they are under stress, but only after preparation.  We also believe that the benefit of the competition is not the end placement, but the preparation for the competition and the act of competing.

Visualization prior to competition

DS8 is exposed to competition in a few forms.  The most obvious are Taekwondo and piano.  And the pattern are the same:  maintaining focus through the performance, attention to multiple details during practice, a transition from individual skills practice to sequences, an intensive ramp up to the actual competition focus on ever tinier points of performance, which closes with a focus on principles, calming techniques at the beginning of a performance.

Saang jae baang at Kaminski's ATA Steel City Songham Classic

And so far, he has done well.  In TKD DS8 competes in the competitive division, and regularly goes up against kids who sport state and district champion badges (earned through a competitive points system across tournaments over a year).  And he is competitive in forms (non-contact sequences of moves that are designed to imitate facing two opponents).  But not in sparring (he does not have the aggressiveness needed to be good at sparring).

Shim jun at Kaminski's ATA Steel City Songham Classic

But we notice the other kids and adults.  While the ATA is pretty good about reigning in the worst of the in the moment actions of sport parents that are sometimes noticed in American culture, you still see some of the signs.  Parents keeping detailed notes on scoring and other competitors.  Kids who clearly are not used to not winning.  Kids who have clearly traveled for the purpose of tournament competition.  The types of conversations that go on the sidelines and the kids reactions.

But here in suburban America, competition exists in other venues even without tournament dates.  My son has gone through several rounds of selection within the school system. And while the intent of the selection is a good one, identifying students who can move ahead of the main group and give them the opportunity to grow a year with every year, the attitude taken by the students and families may not be so healthy.  One selection that my son went through is fairly rare, but well known among ambitious families, is placed as a goal for kids to aspire to, years before the time comes for selection.
And the kids know the stakes and what it means to be one of those selected. So much that it becomes more than just parents pride in being selected, but there is a danger of elitism among the kids, and a letdown when they are not among the selected.

Pre-competition pep talk

What makes competition good is that it is always good to be in the company of those who are good. There is a saying in many domains of expertise, if you are the best in the room, you are in the wrong room.  So, for those who are who are in the ballpark, this is an opportunity to see what good really looks like and it provides something to aspire too, or to recognize there are others just as good and you can spur each other on to be better.

But, when the goal of competition is the winning, eventually, one will reach the point where the competition is better than you.  And you will no longer win. Sometimes it is because you were never exposed to that level of competition before (something we see alot of in university freshmen). Sometimes it is because you have a view of your capabilities that is not based on a sober assessment.  So a culture or attitude that you will always win runs into the hard reality provided by the outside world.

Post-competition bowing out

Our goals in competing are to provide the experience in preparing for something hard where details matter, learning how to deal with pressure in the moment and being able to perform with no opportunity for correction, being exposed to quality competition, and knowing you have done your best and are continually getting better.  Whether that is taekwondo, piano, math, or any other aspect of life.  And experience the joy in being capable and competent.

Two third place medals

Film review: Meru (2015)

Jimmy Chin leading on an ice path on the 2008 Meru attempt

Meru is a documentary about three elite climbers; Conrad Anker, Jimmy Chin, and Renan Ozturk; and their two attempts to take the "Shark's Fin" route on Meru, a 4,000 near vertical wall of rock that is the last part of a 21,000 climb up rock and ice. It is styled as more technically challenging than Everest, because it combines a difficult ice climb and a difficult rock climb.  Anker and Chin are represented as climbers who have been on many expeditions before, Ozturk, while an elite climber, was the new person on the team.

The movie's focus is on the two attempts at this route, one that has never been completed before. And in between there is much discussion of risk.  The movie interviews the climbers, other elite climbers, and family members and they discuss a lot about risk. Family members talked about thinking of a sibling or spouse who could very well die on a mountain.  The climbers spoke about other elite climbers they knew who had died on climbs, and some of those climbs were relatively normal.

There was a period of my life where I was regularly doing some activities that were inherently dangerous. And the possibility of dying was not something I cared about. I think at the time my view was that I was in the moment, and when life ended, it ended.  I like a line from Conrad Anker, these activities are dangerous, but we approach them with skill and knowledge, and when we take risks, with do so knowingly and deliberately. And if we should have an accident, our thought is one of profound embarrassment, because it meant that we did not know that we had crossed the line of too much risk.  Jimmy Chin had a line about the excitement of it all, the rush comes because we are doing something that is in fact dangerous.  So it is different than say an amusement park, which has speed but is under control.The thrill comes from mastery, that danger is faced, examined, and confronted, and overcome, while always under control.  And the glory (to the extent there is any) is from knowing that you could go up to that line, but always recognize it and back away before crossing.

The documentary is about two attempts 2008, and 2011.  The first attempt failed after they lost three days in a snowstorm, and their limited amounts of food led them to turn back a mere 150 m from the summit.  And this is almost an example of their skill, to have the judgment to turn back even when they were so close.

The film then talks about risk in another way.  Chin and Ozturk suffered a pair of accidents while on a commercial shoot on a ski slope. Ozturk was severely injured, Chin was caught in an avalanche. So the lead into the 2011 climb was both of them recovering from this, both physically (Ozturk was nearly paralyzed in several different ways) and mentally.

What sold this was the discussion about risk. Climbers and other sports are often viewed as crazy daredevils looking for thrills. There is a thrill, but it is not from the excitement. The thrill comes from bring to bear knowledge, skill, and judgment in an environment were all three are needed, and surviving in the face of real danger.

Conrad Anker on the "House of Cards" pitch

Parenting month 102: 5 year olds know everything

As we start the new school year, we have a new milestone.  DD5 is starting Kindergarten!  Our school district does only half day so just like big brother she is going to a nearby catholic school, which has full day kindergarten and two working parents can figure out how to make schedules work.

So, at this point, DD5:

• Taekwondo:  following daddy and big brother, she does TKD.  And she now goes into testing with a go-to show-off move, (something she can do that the other tigers (age 4-6) do not). Last time it was repeated round kicks.  This time they are kicks that are as high as her head.  The other thing of note is that some of the teachers figured out that she can actually learn the forms (standard for 4-6 yr olds is that they follow the teachers in forms)  Of course, that means that they make her do this in class.  In one sense, special attention is a good thing. But DD5 has figured out that means they are extra demanding.
• Ballet:  At this point, she just does her own thing.  Thing is, she actually does know the standard positions, and she could do these dance if she wanted to.

So, at this point, she has figured out many ways of earning praise, and there is certainly a show off element here, as well as showing the adults in the room she is a good girl when big brother (or someone else) is being bad.

For kindergarten she

• Figured out  that having another chinese girl in the school means that they have a secret language (chinese) they can use.
• Tells the reading teachers that the books they are finding for her are not at her level.
• Is pretty sure she knows everything.

So, DD5 is very entertaining (always has many things to say), but is potentially trouble (in a good way for a 5 year old)

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TKD testing at @wexford_ata

A post shared by Louis L 🔑 (@lluang70) on Aug 31, 2019 at 11:38am PDT

One year of Streetparking and CrossFit

I started CrossFit with StreetParking a year ago.  So my fitness journey started with running and hiking.  I have done 6 marathons plus three Rachel Carson Challenges (34 miles), plus an assortment of half-marathons, 10Ks and 5Ks.  I was at the point where a half marathon did not require any special training, I could basically do one on a day's notice.  But then as I had kids, and the running diminished.  Eventually I took up taekwondo, mostly because my son enjoyed it.  As I approached black belt, I realized that at that point I could not call myself a beginner much longer (I always try to be a beginner in some aspect of life) so started looking at weight training to supplement TKD.  I went to a trainer at the YMCA, but that really was not what I was looking for (weight machines bore me, and I wanted something I could do at home.  I was doing some movements with dumbbells, but wanted actual skill work.  At this  point, in my basement gym I had:

• Mats: ~240 square feet of matted floor (3/4" mats for TKD)
• Dumbbell handles and 92 lb of plates
• Stepper 
• Bench
• Total Gym (unused)
• 1 20 lb sand kettlebell
• Free standing punching bag
• Assorted TKD punching and kicking targets
• Suspension band

I started looking around at programming, and I discovered https://www.instagram.com/myleslifts/  videos as he was trying out Street parking around  the same time. Also https://www.instagram.com/thegymlabrat/, https://www.instagram.com/jecker/ https://www.instagram.com/schoes84/ where posting videos as they were trying it out and I copied a few of those, some workouts on the public instagram, https://www.instagram.com/streetparking/, and I thought that this was 1. doable, and 2. tough.  and a great complement to TKD.

So, one year later, I have been averaging 5 workouts a week (on top of TKD) I now have:

• 2 sandbags (1 currently at 50 lb, the other currently at 65)
• 282 lb of plates
• 4 dumbbell handles
• 2 standard bars (1 5', 1 6')
• Adjustable kettlebell + a handle for KB swings.
• 3 medicine balls (6, 10, 14 lb)
• Jump rope
• Pylo box
• Magnetic rower
• Power cage
• Assorted resistance bands

This month, my birthday present to myself was a one month membership at a local CrossFit Box, which includes their Group Fundamentals class, the standard on-ramp to CrossFit.  While I've been doing the movements, Fundamentals is meant to lead the standard powerlifting (deadlift, squat, and press) and olympic lifts (clean and jerk, snatch) with good form.

Some thoughts:

1. Learning new movements.  In the course of doing the workouts, there are always movements I just don't have the skill level to do. So I scale them (use an easier movement that provides a similar stimulus, or uses the same set of muscles).  But in warmups, I will try to push my abilities, and the eventually, when a movement shows up, I can actually do this.  
2. Increasing the weight.  At all times, I know how much weight I can:
1. stand up with (deadlift)
2. lift to my shoulders
3. Lift overhead
4. any of the above a few times
5. any of the above many times

And everytime I increase one of these, I celebrate

1. Community that celebrates.  Streetparking is done online, and what you really get is the other members who are also posting.  And this is a group that struggles honestly.  The discussions people put on their workout posts come alive when you also did the workout, because your body reacts the same way as their's did at the same points in the workout. And it is fun to say I felt exactly the same way at the same point in the workout.
2. Parenting. Street parking is marketed as not for the super-serious athlete, but for the athlete who is also holding down a job, is raising a family, or has a weird schedule. And its most loyal following are probably the parents. Because Streetparking workouts have so many options and scaling methods that my kids can work out with me. And not only is that something I could not do in a gym, it is legitimately fun.  I get an honest workout, my kids get an honest workout, and we enjoy our time together. And we have never done a WOD where we were grumpy at the end. We warmup and stretch together, and both of my kids actually enjoy the exercise of writing out the workout and figuring out what scaling options each of us will do. And my kids are actually learning the movements along the way from watching me.
3. Parenting 2. Because what we do is like what these CrossFit competitive athletes do, my 5 yr old will watch CrossFit competition videos and talk about watching people exercise too much, just like us.  And she will watch these athletes and ask if that is what I do!  yes, my 5 year old thinks I'm a full on badass!
4. Attack weaknesses.  I am still picking up new movements.  Some notable ones are clean and jerk, the KB snatch, box jump overs, burpees, wall walks, and most recently, my first double unders.  Everyone of these represents something that at one point I could not do, but I can do  now.
5. Travel.  There are so many scaling options, when I travel I have a few ways of doing this.  I can use dumbbells at a hotel, there is often a bodyweight only.  And more recent, I can bring a sandbag with water filler bags or my DIY pocket Monkii bars (suspension band trainers) along.  
6. Programming - The goal of CrossFit style programming is constant variation, which means that your weaknesses will get targetted on a regular basis. In each workout, there is a discussion on the desired stimulus scaling options and how you can choose the appropriate scaling option. And the idea that I know I choose the correct scaling option because I finish the workout in the right amount to time is a great means of feedback. In the large, the StreetParking newsletter has been a wealth of information. I have a project with my university strength and conditioning coaches, and I comment I can speak with them on a fairly knowledgeable level about their area of expertise because of we have learned from the coaches through the newsletter.
7. Goal is consistency.  StreetParking has a mantra that it will value and cheer on consistency over everything else.  In particular, it will cheer consistency and improvements over performance. Which is so much different than a place that celebrates being a badass! So the reality that some days I'm up for different levels of work than others is not as big a deal as just showing up and pushing with whatever I have to bring with me today.
8. Flexibility.  Doing these at home gives me flexibility with time. While I can get to a gym during the summer, during the school year my time is at a premium.  TKD gets three sessions a week (and I am fortunate that they have they are flexible in which sessions I show up). So CrossFit happens when it can. And when I do have an evening open, I want to spend that time with my kids.  And online programming (that scales down as far as needed for strength, skill, or equipment) makes that work.
9. Coaching. Every time I have shown up at a Box, I get a little bit of individual coaching (same is true at my TKD school)  And that little bit has always been valuable.  There is always a progression of improvement in technique in one movement or another.  And the coaches have that as their focus.  This is a difference from coaching that is motivational in terms of performance, or seems to be generic in nature.
10. Balance. There are many potential optimization objectives in fitness/training.  There is endurance, power, strength, size. CrossFit focuses on performance and conditioning, with the side effect of improving all of the desired potential goals to some extent.  And since I already have a sport, this is quite helpful, as it improves conditioning and strength across multiple time domains.
11. Efficiency.  CrossFit is just incredibly time efficient due to its focus on intensity.  One hour of CrossFit (including warmup and technique practice) feels as hard as a couple of hours of weights or several hours of roadwork.  And this helps, as one of the reasons I don't run like I used to is the difficulty of justifying hours of roadwork after kids.

Thank you to all the coaches at StreetParking for the programming and education. Also thanks to the coaches at CrossFit Iron City and CrossFit Pine Creek for their attention to everyone one in the gym.

And finally, thank you to all the StreetParking members whom I have shared the joys and struggles of our fitness journeys.  Keeping it real on the struggles, celebrating every success and joy along the way.

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#streetparking 5 rounds of 1 minute farmers carry, 20 burpees, 20 sandbag ground to overhead. After round 1 DD5 asked me to set up a DVD. After round 3 I had to pick up DS8 from an activity. Frustration ended on round 4, because as I was setting up DD5 wanted to join in. That is why I have a #homegym #garagegym #fitfamily @streetparkingmembers

A post shared by Louis L 🔑 (@lluang70) on Aug 16, 2019 at 5:53pm PDT

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzy9P2BgR2B/

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#streetparking shift. We started out with a warmup then TKD weapons and bag work. The main workout was 15 minutes of inchworms, shoulder presses, and air squats. She made it 10 minutes, then joined me again after a 3 min break. And finished it off with the mandatory collapse on the floor. #homegym #garagegym #fitfamily @streetparkingmembers @scoreitband

A post shared by Louis L 🔑 (@lluang70) on Jul 11, 2019 at 5:14pm PDT

Parenting month 101: Education

A major theme of the past month was education.  We live in a fairly competitive school district, especially among the asian population. We agreed early on NOT to be the kinds of parents who expected their kids to be at the top of the class, because there are too many crazies here who do, and we did not want to pay that kind of price in time and effort.

Probably the most well known expression of this is Kumon, the chain enrichment center which exists to provide many opportunities to get more practice in things like math problems and other academic skills.  The problem, as noted by a recent speaker at Pittsburgh Chinese Youth Center, is that practice only helps in skills development and speed. But in real life, there is no benefit of perform academic tasks faster, and academic skills are actually not what is important.  What is important are the ability to learn new skills and the ability to solve problems.  Neither of which is improved by repetition of learned skills.  So what are parents concerned about the academic achievement of their kids to do.

First is the recognition that academics is not the only place this question shows up. Every coach will say that the motivations of children change day-to-day, and that it is the parents that keep the kids in the long haul, where the benefits do not show up until the children get older.  But it has to start early.  As it is in youth sports, so it is in every other aspect of life.  But, also like in sports, the way to get there is not by specializing early, it is by giving the child challenge in the form of variety.  And at the higher levels, this means having the child learn to face and work through challenges.

So in what our children do, this is how we want to approach it.  For music, it means that the goal is not to repeated play the same piece over and over again until it can be note perfect, it will be to work learn hard pieces until it is understood enough to become expressive, and to move on before it gets too comfortable.  In martial arts, the goal is not to learn and do a sequence of movements, it is to improve every single time a movement is done, until every aspect of it is right (and knowing that mere mortals will never reach that state of perfection).  For the academics, it is encountering problems that you have not learned to do, and learning how to attack them until the solution comes out.

So, we did not do Kumon (the standard in our area), but a few years back we discovered the Art of Problem Solving and have been going through the Beast Academy curriculum.  And we have been looking for the types of activities that will provide what strength and conditioning coaches call stimulus, that provide opportunities for the kids to learn problem solving techniques and we will lean away from the activities that reward recall and repetition. And look for others going along the same path.

Parenting month 100: rockets and wands

The highlight of the month was a vacation to Florida. Our vacation was in 2 Acts: Space Coast and Orlando.

On the Space Coast we were on Cocoa Beach.  Known for its surfing beaches and for its proximity to Kennedy Space Center.  We spent time on the beach.

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morning run on Cocoa Beach along with soengham 1 and Shim Jun forms @wexford_ata #theplacetobe #tkdfamily

A post shared by Louis L 🔑 (@lluang70) on Jun 24, 2019 at 1:08pm PDT

and did obligatory side kicks and forms

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Morning sidekick on the beach @wexford_ata #theplacetobe #tkdfamily

A post shared by Louis L 🔑 (@lluang70) on Jun 24, 2019 at 1:10pm PDT

We also woke up at 2 AM to watch a launch of a Falcon Heavy.  Well, T and I did.  and the rest of the family got woken up by the rumble of engines and the bangs of the sonic booms.

Launch of Falcon Heavy from Kennedy Space Center as seen from Cocoa Beach

The next day we went to Kennedy Space Center

Space Shuttle Atlantis at Kennedy Space Center 

Going through the tubes of the mock space station

At the controls of a shuttle

Saturn V engine

Entryway to Kennedy Space Center Visitor's Center

Part 2 of the trip was Orlando, where the highlight was Universal Studios Wizarding World of Harry Potter. T got a wand that he used to cast spells, which is what the majority of the day was spent doing.

On the bridge to Hogsmead

Talking to a wizard to pick a wand just for him

Riding Hagrid's Cycle

Casting a spell

The dragon at Gringott's Bank.  Underneath was T's first roller Coaster

Diagon Alley

Casting a rain spell at Diagon Alley

Making water in Diagon Alley

T also got to go on his first roller coasters.   One at Diagon Alley, one in Hogsmead, and a Transformer's and a Fast and Furious rides.

We think this was a  trip worth remembering.