Sunday, May 29, 2016

Parenting Month 67: independence and dependence

This is the end of the first year of kindergarten for T (5 1/2), and the first time we have truly experienced the chaos that comes with the end of a school year. I suppose we should have seen it in the past, since we are exposed to older kids, but the full impact escaped us.

We have been dealing with the contrast between independence and dependence. On one hand, we want him to be competent and confident in his dealings with the world, and being more daring is probably something we desired in the days when he was seemingly scared by everything under the sun. However, he is often too comfortable and we now wish he felt more of a need to check that he was still with us (or that he comes back when called!). To use the usual analogy of a rubber band to describe this tension in children, our rubber band suddenly got a lot longer in the past few months.

Matching shirts on vacation



Along with this greater independence is a greater amount of rebelliousness. We have noted an increased rate of tantrums and anger episodes (ok, this was low beyond expectation before, but it is noticeably increasing). Part of this may be due to socialization as he picks up behaviors in his classmates and older kids in school. Part of this may be a dichotomy between school (where he seems to be viewed as exceedingly competent and capable, given that he is in Kindergarten) and home (where we always have expectations one (or many) steps above where he is now).  Some of the old tactics, such as presenting him with options for him to choose, don't work as well now (now he points out that he does not like any of the options!)
Reading a book to grandma
Talking with Khun Ya (grandma)(
In other news, A (2yrs) has been steadily increasing her command of language. She uses it to identify things everywhere (to the great amusement of spectators), negotiate agreements (perplexing parents), state her will and defiance (which exasperates parents and grandparents).

Naptime on vacation
Their version of taking a nap on vacation
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