June 28, 2008

From Wedding Dancing

I think that if we thought about it in a purely abstract way, neither my wife nor I would be inclined toward marriage. Most of what we have heard about marriage from those who claim it as wonderful did not have all that much appeal. Well meaning friends assured us that it would be the end of all the things that made life interesting. My wife was assured that I would settle down and become normal. And the idea that marriage would make either of us complete or whole or mean settling down was frankly horrifying. Because neither of us was done growing or exploring our world or changing.

But marriage, and relationships, is not something that is meant to be discussed in the abstract. I have held that discussions on relationships are only interesting when there are names involved. And when asked about how I knew that this is the person I want to marry, my response has been that it was not about who I was getting married to, it was what we would become and how we would get there. And that is what I was getting.

Married life has been surprisingly easy. One other person who had commented on married life being easy likened married life to moving furniture around in the house. There are changes in life, but they are minor compared to the steadiness of the foundation. In our case, it was like moving furniture around, but each of us would have been moving the furniture around anyway, and had considerable flexibility on different furniture arrangements. Marriage did not mean we had to stop growing, changing, or even reinventing ourselves along the way. Neither of us is the same person as when we started dating, or even when we go married. And we have not gotten bored.

Will it stay that way? The same person who described marriage as like moving furniture also described being a parent as tearing down and rebuilding a house while living inside it. Of course, I've done that before :-)

Strange how you know inside me
I measure the time and I stand amazed
Strange how I know inside you
My hand is outstretched toward the damp of the haze

And of course I forgive
I've seen how you live
Like a phoenix you rise from the ashes
You pick up the pieces
And the ghosts in the attic
They never quite leave
And of course I forgive
You've seen how I live
I've got darkness and fears to appease
My voices and analogies
Ambitions like ribbons
Worn bright on my sleeve

Strange how we know each other

Strange how I fit into you
There's a distance erased with the greatest of ease
Strange how you fit into me
A gentle warmth filling the deepest of needs

And with each passing day
The stories we say
Draw us tighter into our addiction
Confirm our conviction
That some kind of miracle
Passed on our heads
And how I am sure
Like never before
Of my reasons for defying reason
Embracing the seasons
We dance through the colors
Both followed and led

Strange how we fit each other

Strange how certain the journey
Time unfolds the petals
For our eyes to see
Strange how this journey's hurting
In ways we accept as part of fate's decree

So we just hold on fast
Acknowledge the past
As lessons exquisitely crafted
Painstakingly drafted
To carve us as instruments
That play the music of life
For we don't realize
Our faith in the prize
Unless it's been somehow elusive
How swiftly we choose it
The sacred simplicity
Of you at my side

- Eric's Song, Vienna Teng